tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184208181444239184.post6892991629883051451..comments2024-03-29T01:56:37.975-04:00Comments on Child in Mind: A Troubling Parenting Moment at the AirportClaudia M. Gold, MDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13081419560269676730noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184208181444239184.post-61275660090253368102011-12-19T17:16:27.875-05:002011-12-19T17:16:27.875-05:00The time has come for me to weigh in, as clearly ...The time has come for me to weigh in, as clearly this post has hit a nerve. To address the first issue, I did not intervene, other than with a sympathetic smile for the boy and mother, for exactly the reasons described in the first comment, namely that I did not know anything about this particular situation or family. In a clinical situation I would certainly want to learn many things about this family that I did not know. Seoond, I am not concerned with "diagnosis" but rather with understanding both the parent and the child's experience. And I am most certainly not "blaming the mother" The story is meant to illustrate a way to think about challenging situations in a way that takes into account both the parent and child perspective. And I very much appreciate the second comment about the importance of reflection and willingness to apologize when things go wrong. Children learn a great deal form these kinds of disruptions if they are repaired, and they are better able to handle themselves when they go out into the world where interactions are often filled with mismatches and miscommunications.Claudia M. Gold, MDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13081419560269676730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184208181444239184.post-52764041993489312302011-12-19T16:59:03.171-05:002011-12-19T16:59:03.171-05:00Claudia, if you are such a master at empathy then ...Claudia, if you are such a master at empathy then why on earth didn't you kindly offer to hold the mother's place in the queue so that she could help her child burn off some energy before the flight?<br />You could easily have offered to help before the mother's nerves were frayed and helped them avoid the "horrifying" conclusion.<br />Perhaps, next time, instead of reflecting on what others could do better, you should focus on what YOU could have done better. Maybe try writing an article focusing on ways that bystanders can help frazzled parents!!!chocconutshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18207765632405386840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184208181444239184.post-32118854884072914342011-12-19T15:41:18.397-05:002011-12-19T15:41:18.397-05:00Thanks for giving us this opportunity to reflect, ...Thanks for giving us this opportunity to reflect, Claudia! I am a PhD student studying social and emotional development, and I find your perspective very much in alignment with my own. I didn't find your description of this situation harsh at all. I actually had a similar experience recently watching a parent try to convince a small child to pose nicely for a Christmas picture by threatening to send him to bed (in the middle of a fun Christmas party!) if he didn't cooperate. Now that's the Christmas spirit...ho ho ho. <br /><br />I found this post very well thought out and helpful. As you wrote, being a parent is hard stuff! Tools like this blog that help parents to reflect critically on their own parenting are wonderful, because, as Tigerzmom pointed out, kiddos do not come with instruction manuals ;-)<br /><br />And of course parents aren't perfect. As the imperfect parent of an incredible four year old, I think what makes a parent great is the willingness to reflect, apologize, and learn from mistakes in order to grow as a person and build strong relationships with our kids.<br /><br />ChristyChristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01977970682518005039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8184208181444239184.post-12320522003237616062011-12-19T11:41:46.613-05:002011-12-19T11:41:46.613-05:00I am the mother of a now 15 month old who is very ...I am the mother of a now 15 month old who is very "active" like the child you are reporting on in this blog. I would like to say that we are all human and with that comes enormous amounts of imperfection. Not knowing the culture of this woman, her background and how she was raised, I find your recount of this somewhat harsh. I am 37 years old and although I wouldn't intentionally attempt to shame my child to behave, I completely understand how a parent would be driven to this point. As you stated above, you don't know how her day went, her night, the previous night or her experience has been with this very active child. As new parents, we aren't given an instruction manual on how to deal appropriately when our child tantrums or is having difficulty. If we only have our own experiences to draw from, perhaps in her mind she was being kind. Perhaps in her history she was hit when she acted out. Children like mine and seemingly this young woman above are extremely challenging and unless you have a child who displays some of what you write about, you have absolutely no idea exactly how challenging it can be. Many people don't know what resources they have to help them in defining or diagnosing "processing disorders" or behavior difficulties their children might be experiencing. We must approach every situation with every parent and child as "they are doing the best that they can at that moment in time". It is easy for those of us watching to lay blame, speculate as to what the mother should have done differently, and assume we know what they are experiencing. The bottom line is we don't. As a physician, I would hope that before you try and diagnose someone (especially from a brief moment of observation) you would spend much more time and actually interact with the mother and child before dishing out a behavior management plan for her to follow. I agree that her use of shame is not going to get her any long term behavior modification, but it seems that she may not have the resources to know any different. This also could have been a great teaching moment for you as a physician to intervene in a kind way to ask the mom is she needed any help. Sometimes, it is the little things like a kind word from a stranger that can help us in moments of distress.TigerzMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05475114379627581433noreply@blogger.com